You know that feeling.
When you're in a conflict or challenging conversation with your partner and suddenly all your energy is in your head, your vision narrows, and you feel the pressure to figure everything out right now?
In that moment, you are not in the present moment.
You've likely been triggered. The trigger brings up something from the past that you haven't digested. Suddenly, this moment feels like the past, and so you start playing out defense strategies to protect yourself. You might even find yourself projecting into the future, thinking it will always be like this.
When you're caught in this loop, it's essential to bring yourself back.
Orienting will help you do that.
Orienting is a somatic practice that brings you back to the present moment when you're lost in your head.
It's especially helpful when you recognize that you're stuck in your head in a loop rather than being present to what's actually happening.
An orienting practice is simply:
That's it.
This practice helps your nervous system recognize: I am here, now. I am safe in this moment.
Orienting can be especially helpful during:
If you notice yourself getting lost in your head during a conversation with your partner, you can pause and say:
"Hey, I'm noticing I'm getting a little lost in this moment. I'm not feeling as present as I need to be. I'm going to take a moment to bring myself back to the present. Can you offer me that space?"
Then practice orienting. You can either do it with your partner (if they're open to it), or excuse yourself to a separate room.
Try this guided orienting practice.
When you use orienting, you come back to the present moment. You reconnect to yourself. And from this place of presence, you have the capacity to be curious—about your own experience and about your partner's experience.
This place of safety and presence is what allows for deeper connection.
Want to practice orienting (and tools like it) with expert support?
In Your Dream Intimate Life, my private 1:1 coaching container, we practice somatic tools in real time as challenging sensations and patterns arise in our sessions. This is how you build the capacity that actually transforms your intimate life—not just intellectually understanding the tools, but embodying them.
If you're ready to receive the intimacy, connection, and erotic aliveness you crave, learn more about working together..
Next in this series: Learn the second somatic tool—grounding—which anchors you into the present moment so you can be fully available for intimacy.